On My Terms

What would happen if, like Olympic skater Alysa Liu, we refused to continue living according to everyone else's expectations?

When Olympic figure skater Alysa Liu won gold, it was more than her skills or sparkling gold outfit that dazzled me. It was her story. A twenty-year-old who had walked away from stellar success four years earlier, refusing to continue living according to everyone else’s expectations.

I’m a little bit jealous of her empowerment.

Alysa stopped before she burned out (at age sixteen) and said she didn’t want to continue in skating. Despite many who questioned her decision or expressed disappointment, she knew what she needed. How many people in midlife wish they’d had enough clarity to stop doing something for which passion had diminished? Or pursue the thing you’ve always wanted to? How many have pressed on with what they thought they should do instead of listening to their inner voice?

Photo by Joao Viegas on Unsplash

The Comeback

When Alysa Liu decided to come out of retirement after two-and-a-half years of adventures with friends, the freedom to enjoy being a teen, and a life without regimented practices, she knew what she wanted. (And, no, she didn’t give up those things I just mentioned.)

She wanted to be in charge of her own destiny. She would train on her terms, stopping without pushing her body to damaging limits. Eat what she wanted. Sleep when she needed. She would skate for the pure joy of it and not for the purpose of winning. Alysa would be the one chosing the music and would have creative input in choreography for her programs.¹

All of this was fascinating for me when I watched Alysa skate. She nailed it. Yes, the routine, but she nailed doing life on her terms. And that’s where we can take a lesson in midlife.

Years ago, I chose an unpopular publishing path, one where I would be in charge of decisions and do it all on my own terms. But it was unpopular because independence came with a stigma. The common perception in my professional writing circles was: Surely someone could not “win” without following the prescribed path to success.

As that plan accompanied me into midlife, I continued down the less-traveled road. Agent-free. Able to voice my thoughts without worry of whether it would cost me a contract. I realized I could commit to excellence without following someone else’s rules. And it didn’t leave me penniless either.

More recently, I have broken away from diet culture rules and rigid religious legalism. But it’s so easy to slip backward in one area after breaking free in another.

Photo by Vitaly Gariev on Unsplash

Effortless? No.

Alysa Liu made her Olympic routine look effortless, but we all must see that there is no way she made it to the Olympics or won gold without hard work, dedication, and practice. She didn’t go out there and wing it.

And that’s where a lot of people look at free spirits and assume that “on my terms” also means “lie around and do nothing.” I promise you that whether it’s Olympic gold, or a published book, or [fill in the blank with your heart’s desire], it will not be effortless. But the wonderful freedom of defining the process yourself means you get to decide when you need a break. You get to press yourself to whatever limits you set, not someone else.

You get to decide when to pursue delight. When to rest. When to make time for friends. When to climb a mountain, just for the adventure of it (yes, Alysa did that).

Pivots

I’m feeling a pivot coming on. Midlife isn’t over yet, but I’m looking at the eight or so years I have left in this phase, restless over how I’m using the time. I’m inspired by a twenty-year-old who has artfully demonstrated the pivot into freedom and totally won in life. And I’ve realized that even without a boss (I’m a freelancer who is self-employed), I have chained myself to deadlines and routines that aren’t what my body needs right now. I’ve said yes out of guilt or not wanting to let a prospective client down. I’ve said yes to the hustle in order to pay off debt and make up for lost time on funding retirement.

But my body is screaming at me to move more for the fun of moving, to feel the sun on my face; it’s calling for me to sleep more for the peaceful, body-healing bliss of it. However, I’m chained to a desk, eyes staring at dual computer screens for many more hours in a day than what I want to be. I have grandchildren whom I don’t want remembering me as someone closed up in her office or marked as unavailable all the time.

My husband and I have started projections for retirement and life insurance, savings, Social Security, and all the things we should pay attention to before those creep up for real. We have to be smart about things.

But I don’t want to get to the end of the next eight years, look back, and realize workaholism is all I have to show for it. I LOVE my work. I can’t emphasize that enough. But loving it doesn’t offset the “too muchness” of it. And loving it doesn’t mean saying yes to every opportunity.

Setting Our Terms

As you think about where you are in midlife, what would you do if you could have your own Alysa Liu moment of stepping down and coming back on your own terms? What would you change about the next decade? What would be your comeback?

When all is said and done, money in the bank doesn’t replace the things that matter in life. I was happy when I was a broke stay-at-home mom of two little boys who loved going to the library or collecting sticks for a fort. We got creative with the grocery budget and fell in love with thrift store shopping.

But in today’s economy, I cannot afford to quit work. The cost of healthcare alone is enough to slap me in the face and wake me up from that dream.

However, we’re in control of our own lives. Ambition doesn’t mean we have to prove somethign to anyone. We write the rules about our boundaries, time, money, and creative pursuits.

And thanks to some massive inspiration from Alyssa Liu, I’m doing some rewriting of my rules. In the meantime, I want to know what you’re doing on your own terms.

What would you change about your midlife pursuits if you took charge right now?

I’d love to cheer you on!

1. Sources consulted for the information in this post:

New York Times – https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/19/world/alysa-liu-skating-gold.html

New York Times – https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7076675/2026/02/28/alysa-liu-los-angeles-oakland-murals/

New York Times – https://www.nytimes.com/athletic/7058382/2026/02/19/alysa-liu-figure-skating-winter-olympics-gold/

CBS Sports – https://www.cbssports.com/olympics/news/alysa-liu-2026-winter-olympics-gold-medal/