This week, I’m thrilled to share my recent interview with Jill Savage, where we delved into experiencing joy during the empty nest phase of life. Having married at twenty and becoming an empty nester in my late forties, this transition is close to my heart. Jill, an empty nest mom of five, offers invaluable insights from her journey and her book, Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God's Best for Your Next.
Letting Go: Opinions, Expectations, and Problems
Jill emphasizes the importance of letting go as we transition from raising children to releasing them. One of the biggest challenges for her was letting go of expectations. She shared, “Our human nature sits in these places of expectation.” Whether it's how often we expect to communicate with our children or holiday traditions, clinging to these expectations can create pressure. Jill advises us to let go and allow our children to be who they are.
Holiday Expectations and New Traditions
The holiday season can be particularly challenging. With the addition of in-laws, it’s an opportunity to establish new traditions. Jill talks about the need to be flexible, letting go of old traditions to prevent putting unnecessary pressure on our children. She highlights a popular blog post, “Give The Gift of Holiday Freedom,” which encourages giving our adult children the freedom to create their own holiday experiences.
Prioritizing After Kids Leave Home
When children are young, a mom’s priority list typically places God first, then her marriage, and then her kids. As children grow and form their own families, these priorities shift. Jill stresses the importance of preparing our hearts for this reality. Our children’s priority should be their new family, not making us happy.
Preparing During the Teen Years
For those with teenagers, now is the time to prepare by stepping back from direct decision-making and instead guiding them. Jill and her husband practiced this by asking their teens questions like, “What do you think you should do?” This approach helps them develop decision-making skills, while still being able to intervene if necessary.
Releasing Our Kids’ Problems
Another crucial area of letting go is our children’s problems. Jill shares candidly about her own challenges, particularly with one of her sons. She learned the importance of lovingly detaching and recognizing when our help isn’t helping. Sometimes, stepping back and allowing them to struggle is necessary for their growth.
Holding On: Embracing a New Mission
While letting go is vital, there are things to hold onto. Jill points to Ecclesiastes, which says there is a season for everything, including both letting go and holding on. One of those things is our new mission field. Jill encourages us to look around and ask, “Who still needs me?” This might be children in your neighborhood who need an adoptive grandparent, or pursuing a passion you’ve set aside.
Journaling Through the Empty Nest
Jill created a journal to accompany her book, designed to help moms reflect on their motherhood and marriage experiences. This journal includes questions that prompt us to think about the wisdom we’ve gained and how we can use it in new ways.
The Encore Season
Jill refers to the empty nest as the encore season of motherhood. Just like an encore at a show, where the best pieces are revisited, the empty nest phase allows us to enjoy our grandchildren and the joys of mothering without the full responsibilities. It’s a time to embrace and celebrate the valuable lessons we’ve learned.
Jill’s insights remind us that our lives are just beginning when our children leave home. There is still so much value to share in this new season.
Recommended Resources
Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God's Best for Your Next is a fantastic resource for anyone who is preparing for or in the empty nest phase of life. The book is packed with practical wisdom from Jill's own story, told with refreshing treansparency. It also includes reflection questions, steps to help you grow, and group discussion questions too.
There is also an accompanying Empty Nest, Full Life Journal where you can write out anwers to reflections in the book that help you discover your "next."
There are all sorts of free resources at the Empty Nest book website:
A Facebook group for empty nest moms.
Free video curriculum for groups (10-minute videos to get discussion going)
Info about empty nest retreat for moms
College packing list
Plus, be sure to check out Jill's blog and sign up to get regular encouragement in your inbox on her website: www.jillsavage.org
Find Jill at @JillSavage.Author on Facebook and Instagram
From the back of the book:
IT’S HAPPENING! You weren’t always sure you’d get here, but the kids grew up and are surviving—more or less successfully. But what now?! If you’re like most moms, you’re caught between grief and delight, and full of questions, loose ends, hopes, and regrets. Empty nesting can be a disorienting time, but it can also be the best time of your life.
Jill Savage, an empty-nest veteran, offers you
WISDOM for the murky waters ahead. Teaching you what you need to let go of and hold on to
ENCOURAGEMENT for when you’re feeling confused and discouraged. Full of stories and new insights, you’ll find your spirits lifted and hope renewed.
IDEAS for when you don’t know “What’s next?” Jill offers loads of practical ideas for coping and thriving in this encore season.
Empty Nest, Full Life: Author Jill Savage