'Don't Touch Me' Barbie
My take on being an introvert, touch averse, and highly sensitive. Otherwise titled "Sass and Sensitivity."
My husband says if they were to create a collectible Barbie in my honor, she would be called Don't Touch Me Barbie. To this, I give an indifferent shrug. Sounds like a Gold Label model for sure. Right up there with Pink Splendor Barbie and Luncheon Ensemble Barbie.
Someone touching my hair or face? I. Cannot. Fathom. I’d need to be kept in the box. Sealed. The thought of rogue marker stains or a slobbery dog’s chewy curiosity. Ugh. Or a toddler’s sticky fingers. Eew! Sweaty hands patting my face. No. No. No. However, I differ with my husband on which label ought to be on my unopened Gold Label Barbie box.
Which Barbie Am I?
I’d debate on whether I’m truly Don't Touch Me Barbie or more of a Highly Sensitive Barbie or even an Introverted Barbie.
Don't Touch Me Barbie: With her patented "personal space bubble" feature, this Barbie comes equipped with extendable arms that keep unwanted hugs and handshakes at bay. Or a Starbucks cup for one hand and a phone for the other because “My hands are full. Oops! Can’t shake today.” Her catchphrase? "I'm sorry, but I need my space." She's the perfect companion for those times when you just want to be left alone to binge-watch your favorite show or dive into a good book.
Highly Sensitive Barbie: This Barbie comes with a built-in empathy sensor, ensuring that she always knows when you need a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. She's the first to pick up on subtle cues and is always there to offer a kind word or a warm hug. Well, at least the kind word. Just be careful not to startle her, as she might be prone to the occasional emotional meltdown. And for the love of mercy, don’t—I repeat, don’t—make chewing sounds in her presence, pick your fingernails, or breathe with your mouth open.
Introverted Barbie: Meet the queen of cozy nights in and small gatherings with close friends. Introverted Barbie comes with her own miniature library, complete with all the classics and a comfy reading nook. She's happiest when surrounded by a few trusted confidants and loves nothing more than deep conversations over a cup of iced mocha.
In the Box, Yet Out of It
Why choose just one? I’d mix and match these features to create the ultimate Highly Sensitive, Introverted, Don't Touch Me Barbie.
She comes with a DO NOT DISTURB sign hanging from her miniature pink door—plus a few options: NO TOUCHY-FEELY ZONE and TOUCH-AVERSE UNIVERSE. She also comes equipped with a magnifying glass to inspect the nuances of every emotion and a bubble-wrap suit for those days when the world feels a little too overwhelming. And she has a teeny Macbook Pro. And orange Crocs to go with wool socks, a tunic sweatshirt, and athleisure leggings. She will probably need a little box of something to keep the gray covered and a bottle of retinol. Oh, wait. Those were for Over the Hill Barbie.
Don't be fooled by her quiet demeanor or standoffish tones. Highly Sensitive, Introverted, Don't Touch Me Barbie is a force to be reckoned with. Whether she's writing bestsellers in her secret hideaway or crafting intricate works of art in the comfort of her own solitude, she's a beacon of inspiration for introverts everywhere.
This Barbie’s catchphrase is, “Keep calm and maintain a three-foot radius.” She is sass, compassion, and creativity bundled in one fabulous—and often misunderstood—package! While others may shout from the rooftops, she quietly influences from the comfort of home, armed with a keyboard, Grammarly, and the Substack app. So don't be fooled. Greatness doesn't always come with a loud entrance. Sometimes, it whispers, “Watch me shine." She’s going to be hard to keep in the box.
What’s Your Barbie?
With her by your side, you'll discover that being quirky is not only hilarious but also incredibly empowering. After all, who says you have to conform to be fabulous? Highly Sensitive, Introverted, Don't Touch Me Barbie is here to remind us all that the greatest adventures often begin within ourselves.
What’s your adventure? If you were to create your own doll, what would you call her? And what delightful little accessories would she have?
I really want to know!
Sounds like you might be related to "Air kiss Barbie." All the affection, none of the touching!
My Barbie would be "Recreation Barbie." She'd be kitted out with everything necessary to throw together a quick beach picnic for 10 including chairs, blankets and umbrellas. Her car would be filled with hiking and survival gear, her garage would host a wall of camping supplies. Her rainbow crocs would be filled with sand and river silt most of the time but her oversized sun hat would detract attention from them. She'd have spare sunglasses, a growler filled with icewater, and an entire box of car snacks. She'd have passes to state and national parks on her phone and a first aid kit to make an EMT jealous. But in her bag, she'd have a journal, a really good pen and 2 backups, and a book of poetry by one of the 17th century mystics. Probably Vaughan or Herbert. She'll make sure everyone is having fun before she slips off to find a beatiful spot to just Be.